Now I Know Love Can Be Rented
by TheSkySpiritsTalentShow
Summary: Julian asks Skipper for a favor. Skipper agrees, sure to regret it. Jupper, Kico and CloverxKarl. Humanized
1. The End of a Party

Skipper considers himself a good man. He had served in the military for years, always does his part to protect civilians for years, pays his rent on time and saves the world with his team without expecting so much as a thank you.

Then why, **why** did Fate decide to neighbor him with loud mouthed, arrogant, royal pain in the ass King Julian?

No one deserved to be kept awake till 4 am by countless Jason Derulo remixes accompanied by loud banging. And the fact that they were on floor above them did nothing to muffle the sound.

Tonight was such a night again, except that it was Pitbull screaming from the speakers. Skipper sat at his desk, pen gripped in hand as he glared down at the document before him, without seeing it. He wanted nothing more but to march up there and shake some manners into the party monkeys.

But he couldn´t. He was already in the red zone with Alice the landlady after the first time he tried that. She hated them for some reason, so she ignored their complaints and only took action when ´King´ Julian had something to whine about.

Seriously, they couldn´t be the only tenants who were bothered by the loud music! What about Roy or Burt, or even Marlene? Unless they´re unaffected due to ideal rooming or something of the sort and the ´Penguins´, as they´re so lovingly nicknamed, got the worst possible place of the whole apartment, sound wise!

Skipper was glad that at least Private, Rico and Kowalski were getting rest. The reason why he didn´t put on his pair of noise cancelling headphones and join them in dreamland was because he still had to file a mission report and mail it back to the headquarters.

The leader sighed heavily, and then proceeded to get even more pissed off when he realized he could barely hear himself sigh. Was this even legal?

Rubbing his temples furiously and therefore worsening his headache, Skipper stood up to risk waking up his men to the headphones.  
This was torture.

His hand reached for the door knob when suddenly, loud knocking from upstairs interrupted. He paused and so did the music. Which was weird. Julian never paused his music for anything, leaving usual visitors to yell until Maurice or Mort came, kick the door down or give up and leave.

He must´ve been expecting someone. Skipper listened intently, barely making out a frantic conversation in a foreign language. Though he couldn´t understand words, his neighbor was clearly scared of something. The stranger responding to his whines sounded bored, with only false comfort leaking into his tone.

Skipper pondered about coming up to see if His Royal Obnoxiousness needed help, but decided against it.

He craved sleep and if Julian needed support, he had Maurice. Otherwise, he knew where to find them.

The commanding officer slipped into the shared bedroom, the last thing he heard was a door slamming. Then absolute silence commandeered the night.


	2. A Deal is Made

The next day was suspiciously quiet. No, no, it was peaceful, Skipper assured his men, who didn´t look convinced.  
"Julian is never this quiet," Private noted.  
"So?" Enjoy it."  
"You…didn´t do anything, did you Skippah?"  
"No! I didn´t see Ringtail at all yesterday. I sure as hell heard him though." That last part was muttered.  
"You know Alice will blame us if something happened. And then she might kick us out." The smallest soldier persisted. Skipper rolled his eyes, but couldn´t help but to feel pride at Private´s stubbornness.  
"Okay, young Private. If it´ll calm your ´ruffled feathers´, I´ll go up after breakfast and see what´s up. Happy now?"  
He clearly was.  
Skipper turned back to his…  
Read MoreThe next morning was silent. No weird noises from upstairs, no loud grumbling or breaking objects. Everyone but Skipper was highly suspicious, certain something was wrong.

"There´s nothing wrong, he´s probably suffering a burn out from too much partying." Skipper assured his men over breakfast. 

"Julian is never this quiet," Private noted. 

"So? Enjoy it."

"Private´s right, sir. This is rather odd." Kowalski said, running his fingers through his disorderly hair.

"You…didn´t do anything, did you Skippah?" Private asked as the scientist repeatedly combed his hair vigorously, trying to get random bits to stay down. They sprang up again once he was done, causing him to growl in annoyance.

"Does anyone have a c-" He started before Rico hacked one up and leaned over to give him a hand. The analyst muttered a thanks and the weapon expert winked.

"What´s that supposed to mean?" Skipper said. "I didn´t see Ringtail at all yesterday. I sure as hell heard him though." He muttered the last part into his cup while Private continued to scrutinize him. 

"You know Alice will blame us if something happened. And then she might kick us out." The smallest soldier persisted. Skipper rolled his eyes in slight annoyance, couldn´t help but to feel pride at Private´s stubbornness. 

"Okay, young Private. If it´ll calm your ´ruffled feathers´, I´ll go up after breakfast and see what´s up. Happy now?" 

He nodded and went back to buttering his bagel, satisfied. Skipper raised his cup again, now desperately wishing it would last for another hour and tried to ignore the muffled snickers of Rico. 

God, it´s way too early for this. The leader groaned inwardly. He ran a hand through messy ebony hair, in an attempt to look a little bit more presentable and less –just-got-out-of-bedish. Then he knocked. 

Silence filled the hallway for a few heartbeats before a small pitter-patter of feet neared the door. It swung open to reveal caramel curls and big, curious eyes. 

"Oh! Hello, Skipper leader!" Mort chirped happily. 

"Morning, Sad Eyes. Is Julian home?" 

"Yes! He is!" Mort turned and ran back inside. "Oh King Julian~" 

Skipper took that as an invitation to step in.

He had only been in here a couple of times. As expected, not much changed. The walls were still a pale blue, pictures and paintings adorning its surface. The furniture was colorful, to the point of being garish, but he supposed Julian liked it that way. The floor was carpeted, the opposite of the penguin´s HQ which had the usual wooden layout. It surprised Skipper that the self proclaimed king could still cause so much noise which a layer or two of fuzz between his feet and the actual floor. But then again, Julian never failed to surprise him when it came to being the obnoxious. 

"Hello Skipper." A gruff voice caught his attention. Maurice stood in the doorway leading to the kitchen. He smiled, but it looked just as tired as the rest of him. 

"Tough night?" 

"Yeah, you could say that." 

"It sounded like the party ended early last night. Did something happen?" 

Maurice shrugged and glanced into the hallway leading to Julian´s room then back at the penguin as if to say "you´re more than welcomed to find out for yourself". He went back into the kitchen with Mort following right behind. 

Skipper stole a quick glance at his wrist watch, musing on how much time he´ll waste today before marching into Julian´s bedroom. He didn´t bother knocking. 

The leader had never been in this room before for multiple good reasons. He wasn´t missing much. It was really messy, clothes strewn everywhere and empty wrappers littering the floor. The collage of movie and celebrity posters didn´t help make it look any more organized. In the far corner was the bed. It was too small to fit more than three people, but made up for its small size by being…well…sparkly. Very, very sparkly. Fake gems and shimmering designs decorated the various cushion and the bed frame almost violently, their reflections in the early sun making them a pain to look at. The rest of the sheeting was plain white, successfully hiding their owner underneath.

"Ringtail." Skipper tried.

Julian mumbled something incomprehensible.

"What?"

"I said," he threw the covers off his head, revealing tired eyes and a chaotic dark grey bed head. "If you´re not here for give me food, you can go again."

"No I´m not here to give you food. I´m here to investigate your strange behavior." _Not like I care or anything, I´m doing this because of Private._

"Oh yeah." Julian pulled the covers back over his head. "It´s terrible. My whole life is terrible."

"*sigh* Do you want to tell me about it?" _Please don´t._

"Do you have a big family that´s very important more than anyone else?" Julian countered. 

"What´s that have to do with-" 

"No you don´t. A fishy penguin man like you wouldn´t know of such things." Julian crawled out of his cave and sat at the edge of his bed. His grayish hair hung in his face, Skipper still couldn´t understand why he thought it was cool to dye his hair gray, and the only thing he had on was eyeliner, his black and white necklace shaped like a Katta´s tail (which is from where the nickname "Ringtail" came from) and tropical themed boxers.  
Skipper trained his eyes on the ""king´s" face, pink dusting his cheeks. 

"So Ringtail," he said. "Care to explain now?" 

Julian buried his face in his hands. "Ahh my life is horrible!" he sobbed. "The Sky Spirits hate me! My family hates me! I am done for!" 

"Would you quit whining and just tell me whats wrong?" Skipper said angrily.

"I don´t have a girlfriend! My uncle is expecting me to have a partner when I come to visit but what do I tell him?"

"…can´t you just-"

"No!"

"Or tell them-"

"My uncle will disown me!"

"Your uncle is screwed up." Skipper responded.

"Yes I am agreeing with you there. My uncle is a screw that has been screwed out and not back in correctly, so it´s kind of loose. "

"Yeah, sure. So, there´s going to be a big family drama and you can´t risk that. Can´t you just hire someone to play your flame?"

"You see, that´s the problem. I asked Maurice but he said he wasn´t dressing up and he definitely wasn´t making the outs with me. Can you believe that guy? And he calls himself loyal."

Skipper mentally face palmed. He was wasting his intelligence and patience on Julian, he could feel it. Why was he here again?

"I´m not talking about Maurice, Ringtail! I´m talking about hiring a pretty dame or gent for a few days, that is willing to play your lover!"

"Hmm…" Julian tapped his chin thoughtfully, squinting around the room. Skipper waited patiently for a signal that he could leave without being needed further. He couldn´t wait to get out of here. Besides, the last thing he needed was for Julian to come up with something crazy, like robbing a brothel and including him in the plan.

"Hmm," Julian hummed again. "I need to find someone who has extremely good looks!"

Skipper began to say something, then stopped himself. He´s not going to get into a lecture of personality being more important than physical beauty. It´s probably wasted on Julian anyway.

The king, he jumped up and began pacing the room, loudly declaring his thoughts as they came to him.

"The person needs to be impressive enough so that everyone will be knocked out of their socks! Or else I might as well be going without one. I want my uncle to be proud of me after all."

He stopped and turned to Skipper. "You see, he always wanted me to date this girl called Clover, who was my bodyguard back on Madagascar. Kind of a nut case, like you."

"I appreciate the compliment." The leader said dryly.

"But she ran off with this guy called Karl, who was a psycho magician like Kowalski. I kinda liked him. Not the science guy. Karl."

"Mh hm. I´ll be sure not to tell Kowalski."

"So I´m going to need a person who is attractive, has a history with fighting, can make my uncle laugh and is brave and strong…"

Skipper tore his eyes away from a Panic! At The Disco poster when the self centered king stopped talking, only to find Julian staring right at him, his face lit up in delight.

"Did, er, you find someone?"

"Yes, you could be saying that." The king smirked. He examined the office in front of him.

It dawned on Skipper. He jumped back, holding his hands out. "Oh no, hell no! I´m not pretending to be your boyfriend!"

"Oh come oooon. You are a perfect fit, even if you stink of fish and call yourself a water bird. My family loves this kind of craziness."

"First of all, penguin is a slang for agent, Ringtail! Secondly you can shove that idea, I´m not doing it!"

"Pleeeeaaaase?"

"Puppy eyes do not work on me."

"Oh I bet they do!"

"Julian, this idea is ridiculous."

"I´ll give you something in return!"

"I don´t want your mangos nor your money."

"How about, I turn off my music for a week."

"…raise it and we can talk."

"Two weeks?"

"A year."

"What! No! I can´t not dance for a year!"

"Fine! Ten months with the music shut off after eight pm."

Julian thought for a moment. "How long is ten months?"

"Less than a year." Skipper smirked, not feeling the slightest bit guilty for taking advantage of the king´s obliviousness.

"And eight pm, is that in the morning?"

Skipper stared at him. "No…"

"Ah. I was hoping for eight pm in the morning. Alright, I agree with these terms!" Julian stated proudly, ignoring the face palm in the background.

"Three questions." Skipper said. "How long is it, where will we be going and what do I have to do?"

Grinning wildly, Julian shoved him towards the bedroom door. "Maurice can tell you all that non important stuff. As for me, I have to pack, so don´t disturb me any further, honey." He landed a slap on Skipper´s ass, which in turn got his arm twisted up his back.

"Do that one more time, and I´ll break your hand." Skipper growled at him.

"Okay, ouch! Okay, I won´t!"

Dropping him with a glare, the leader stormed out to find the royal advisor.

"You did what now?" The advisor asked, mouth hanging open in disbelief.

"It was a fair deal. Now if you would please fill me in on the details so I can work out just how screwed I am, that would be great." Skipper sighed.

Maurice nodded, still looking weirded out. He retrieved a letter and handed it to the officer. "Here is a letter former King Julian sent. They will be awaiting you Hotel Polana Serena in Mozambique. It´s pretty impressive, one of the top five star hotels in Mozambique."

He slid Skipper a picture. It was larger than anything he had ever seen. Complex designs decorated its elegant arches, a pool the size of a small lake stretched before it, fitting for a royal family.

"Whoa…"

"Yeah. You´re expected to stay for about a week or so. They´re covering all the costs. I recommend buying the finest dress you can afford. Former King Julian 12th is very picky and you don't want his constant nagging over your head."

"Noted. Anything else?"

Maurice laughed awkwardly. "Heh, yeah one more thing. Try not to act…suspicious in any way or you´ll have Clover at your neck."

Skipper raised his eyebrows. "I keep hearing about this girl, who is she?"

"She was Julian´s bodyguard back in Madagascar. She´s…a handful. Extremely paranoid and set to protect her king at all cost. It can get hard reasoning with her. She reminds me a lot of you people, actually."

"I like her already." Skipper said, grinning.

"I thought so," Maurice said. "But I can´t confirm she´ll like you too."

The leader sighed, standing up. "Thanks, Maurice. I gotta go and…break this to my team." He made a face. "When will we be leaving?"

"Well," Maurice turned to study the calendar hanging above the kitchen sink. "This Wednesday, 10 am. The flight itself takes about 18 hours so I say-"

"Prepare myself mentally for the ordeal and get ready to parachute out. Got it."

"No, that´s not-"

But Skipper wasn´t listening anymore, he was already out the door with a wave. Maurice shook his head.

"I wonder how this is going to end."

"I hope there will be huggies and sunshine!" Mort´s voice chimed from the kitchen cupboard.


	3. Arriving - end of hiatus!

**A/N: The long wait is over, I am here with the next chapter xP Sorry for taking foreeevvvveeerrr**

The plane flight was, in two words, gorgeous – and tiresome.

No matter how much he flew, Skipper couldn't get used to the fleeing of floating miles above land, gliding silently over a sea of fluffed white – and he didn't want to.

Whenever he lost himself to watching the stretched out patterns of multicolored landscapes drift below the wings of the aircraft, his mind felt serene – at last.

But, he could've done well without Julien's constant, ' _I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm uncomfortable, I can't see the ocean, I feel sick, I want food, no not that food, I want music, I want a parachute, Maurice, I want a plane!'_

The commando had tried to suffocate him with one of the pillows the first class had provided them at least twice and he swore that the one time he nearly succeeded, the stewardess looked the other way.

Alas, all bad things come to an end and Skipper – for a man used to the cold – had never been so relieved to leave the air conditioned aircraft for the scorching heat of Africa. Even Julien stopped nagging in favor of showing off his jewelry and kingly (garish) outfit to whatever person looked his way.

"So what now, soldier?" asked Skipper once they had their suitcases and were enjoying a cold drink in the shade of the café. Maurice paid the waitress for their beverages and turned back to their guest. He looked as exhausted as Skipper felt.

"Now, we wait for Clover to pick us up and bring us to the …"

"Sounds good," The leader swatted a fly and frowned at the overly sweet syrup he sipped at through the straw.

Sugar water with ice cubes, that's what it tasted like. Not that he was complaining, it _was_ refreshing.

"Clover, that silly girl," Julien butted in. He slurped noisily on his drink. Skipper couldn't believe he was pretending to be married to him.

"She always has her nose stuck in places where it does not belong."

"You're Majesty, that's kind of her job."

"What, being a nosy body?"

"Yeah she's supposed to watch out for the royal family, You're highness."

Julien huffed indignantly. "Well, Maurice, she can be doing that and not be around me."

"Julien-"

"Give it a rest, Maurice." Skipper cut in, watching the conversation take place from over his lemonade. "He's too stupid to understand simple English."

The king scoffed. "You see Mort, no one's impressed by your fancy schmancy fake English."

The tiny brunette blinked up from his glass of pulpy mango juice with wide dark eyes. "I am sorry!" He stated automatically, without really thinking about what he was being accused of.

"Ugggh!" Skipper groaned loudly. He was starting to seriously regret this decision.

Was eight months really worth it? At any rate, it's too late now. Hopefully this hotel is luxuriant enough that they both get their own room and Skipper only needed to have limited 'husband' time with Julien.

Hopefully, they didn't have to kiss either.

…

Maurice looked up, concerned as Skipper began choking on his drink. The leader had gone all red in the face and coughed like he was hacking up his lungs.

Julien only glanced over indifferently.

"I'm fine, I'll be fine!" Skipper tried to assure between his violent wheezing. But as he glanced back to the lemur king, he realized maybe he wasn't.

 _Meanwhile…_

"I don't understand." Private said.

"What don't you understand?" Came the reluctant reply from Kowalski, who had made himself comfortable on the couch, with Rico, who had made himself comfortable on top of Kowalski. Well, his legs were settled in his lap and despite the scientist strict no touch policy, he didn't seem bothered.

This as one of the things Private didn't understand but he wrote it off as Kowalski and Rico being _very_ good friends.

"Well for starters, why does Skippah have to go to Africa? Couldn't Julien just have said, that his husbands on vacation?"

Kowalski looked up from his crossword puzzle and glanced at Rico. The other shrugged, uncaring of where this conversation was going.

"Well…" The scientist began hesitantly. "I suppose he could, but I am not sure his family would've taken that as a proper excuse, Private. You know how royals are. They demand to have and see everything exactly when they want it. At least, in Julien's case."

"Oh…yeah, you might be right." Private turned back to drawing book with an unsatisfied frown.

Kowalski waited.

"What do you think will happen?"

Ah, there it is.

"I hope they won't get into any serious trouble…they've never been ones to get along very well and now, pretending to be married? That can't go well!"

"I can't say, Private. I think, at this point, anything could happen. Let's hope it'll be in our leader's favor."

A/N: Okay, I was originally going to write a next scene, but that would've flown into arriving at the hotel and meeting people and honestly, it would've probably taken another week to write so.

I promise I'll work on writing more, it's been very interesting – to say the least – on this end of the world and I haven't paid fanfiction much heed. Anyway, to anyone who's still reading this story, thank you so much for sticking around and I hope I won't disappoint you!

More Kico is to come, obviously, along with other pairings you may or may not expect xP


	4. Uncle King Julien

"My jewels are not fake!" Julien's voice had reached an indignant screech. His expression screamed offended. He prided in his luxurious appearance too much to let a commoner tell him his expensive jewelry was nothing but a fraud.

"Oh face it, Ringtail. The so called king of the lemurs is a fake. Fake, _fake_ , fake, just like your fake diamond ring." Skipper on the other hand was having too much fun. If anyone asked, he'd blame it on the boredom, which had set in shortly after half an hour passing with no sign of this Clover girl.

"IT'S NOT!"

In pure outrage, Julien lunged at the commander. Skipper took a step back in surprise and ended up flat against the wall of the shop they were waiting at.

Julian was pressed against him, big pouty eyes staring into his, hands placed on either side of the leaders head. His breath smelled sweetly of watermelon and orange. From this distance, Skipper could see golden brown freckles dusting his cheeks adorable – something in his gut twisted.

"…"

"…ge'off." Skipper shoved the self proclaimed king away roughly, not daring to look at anyone as he straightened his shirt with a huff.

Julien had gone strangely quiet, fingering his fake sapphire necklace absentmindedly. Then someone cleared their throat loudly.

"Your majesty," Came a female voice, loud, but unsure.

A woman dressed in white stood leaning against a shiny black limousine. Her hair was a flaming red, eyes as green as emeralds. Her cheeks were covered in dark freckles and despite her concern; her features were sharp and professional. She reminded Skipper of someone – Clemson, ironically.

Julian muttered a, "You're late, silly woman," and climbed into the car without so much as a glance in Skipper's direction.

Those deep green eyes landed on him and her expression darkened slightly with distrust. She didn't say anything to him though and only gave him a curt nod as she held the door open. Skipper climbed in reluctantly.

No one talked much over the ride.

There wasn't much to talk about anyway, but plenty to marvel at.

Skipper and Mort alike stared out the window with wide awe filled eyes. Clover and Maurice caught up in the front seats, and Julien was busy polishing his jewelry.

The view from the airport to the grand hotel – was nothing short of colorful people, bright exotic sights stunning for those who spend most of their life in dreary, modern Manhattan.

Despite his muted excitement matching that of Mort's, Skipper was all too aware o the sneaking, furrowed glances Clover kept sending his way.

Her lips were pursed in a disapproving frown and muttered something to Maurice, who seemed not as concerned as she was. He responded in a light hearted tone, too quiet for Skipper to hear.

The leader played dumb and pretended not to notice.

When they arrived at the hotel a while later, Skipper was starting to become uncomfortable.

He couldn't say he had never been warned.

Julien behaved and talked like a spoiled child, and though he wore expensive clothes and possessed _two_ servants, the idea that this loud, quirky kid was royalty, was a _king_ , was nearly ridiculous.

But here they were, standing in front of a _literal_ palace.

Servants came to pick up their luggage, natives stared and their car was wheeled away towards an elegant gas station's car washer.

Not to mention the resort itself. A gigantic pool, towering palm trees, proud pillars supporting the hotel that all but glowed with its value.

And he was pretending to be Julien's husband. He wasn't nearly-

No.

' _No, Skipper,'_ he told himself firmly. _'It doesn't matter how much money you have or how wealthy you are. What matters is your character. And if you're brave – or a coward. And you're definitely the former._

"Julian!" My lovely nephew!" Everyone looked up from their activities to greet a chubby, middle aged man trotting over to the group standing by the car.

There he was, former King Julian, his grin wide and cheerful. His eyes, however, were cold as ice.

Skipper stood up straighter at the sight of him, his own expression hardening. Every bone in his body screamed _fiend_. There was something wrong with him. He didn't know what, but Skipper's gut never lied.

"Uncle!" Julian cried out and dropped his coat to embrace the older man. He apparently didn't have a problem with him to no surprise.

 _He's as dumb like a bag of nails,_ Skipper thought.

Clover stood dutifully next to Maurice both packed with luggage. Maurice insisted on carrying Skippers because that's how things apparently went here. The older man didn't look the slightest bit pleased to see Julien's uncle either but smiled and laughed all the same when said former king pulled him into a hug

Skipper felt a tad relieved. So he wasn't the only one who thought Julien's older lookalike was planning something nasty. Good to know.

"And _who_ do we have _here_?"

…

Speak of the devil…

Julien's uncle turned to Skipper and his smile widened.


End file.
